[insert tongue firmly in cheek]
In a stunning turn of international events this week, Beto O’Rourke chastised a Mexican Drug Cartel for using deadly assault weapons to force the release of a drug kingpin’s son from prison.
O’Rourke, who has campaigned for U.S. President among Mexicans while in Mexico, chided the drug cartel for breaking Mexican law by using illegal weapons.
“Your government and I are SO disappointed in you”, the candidate intoned in his most paternal voice, “We expected you to be good citizens and turn in your weapons – because they are evil and against the law. Where are your citizenship and morals?”
The cartel stuck out a petulant lip and whined, “But you didn’t yell at Eric Holder like this when he gave us those Fast and Furious guns.”
“Don’t change the subject, I’m talking to YOU right now”, O’Rourke hushed.
The candidate went on to chastise the cartel for being a poor example to its brothers to the north.
“How do you think American criminals feel when they see what you are doing? How do you expect them to turn in their AR15’s and AK47’s to me when you still have RPG’s? You are no gang of mine. You are SO grounded!”
Thoroughly chastened, when last seen, cartel members were observed to be hanging their heads in shame while skulking upstairs to their room.